The Performing Parent: How to Crush the Sidelines Like an Elite Athlete’s Hype Squad

Donna Kelce (Travis and Jason Kelce's mother) cheers on her son.

Let’s get real: when your kid steps onto the field, court, mat, or pitch (or whatever fancy sports surface they compete on), you’re not just a ride-share driver in a minivan with a suspicious smell. You’re part of the performance.

Yes, you, the performing parent. You’re in this show, too.

So, while your athlete is out there trying to win, grow, or at least not trip in front of their crush, you’re also performing. And depending on how you play your role, you can either be the supportive background character that inspires greatness... or the dramatic side character that accidentally steals the spotlight and causes a meltdown.

Let’s make sure it’s the first one.

First Step: Get on the Same Page with Your Athlete

Before we break down your parent-game into pre-game, game-time, and post-game strategy, here’s a pro move: have an actual conversation with your kid (I know, radical idea).

Ask them stuff like:

• “What can I do to make you feel confident before a game?”

• “What should I do if you make a mistake?”

• “Do you want me cheering loudly or sitting silently?”

And here’s the kicker: teens don’t always listen to their parents. Even when the advice is solid gold. It’s developmentally normal, frustratingly common, and absolutely not personal. So instead of talking at them, talk with them collaboratively.

Here’s a cheat code: most teen athletes want one of three things from their parents: Advice,  Comfort, or Distance. Let them tell you which one they need, and when. A short conversation before the season (or even before a game) can save both of you a lot of stress.

Also: reframe how you see your role. You’re not just a spectator. You’re part of the team. Maybe not in uniform, but you have a position to play. Ask your athlete:“What role do you want me to play to help you perform at your best?”

“The best support is the kind that’s asked for.” -Every young athlete who’s ever felt overwhelmed by a sideline coaching session

Pre-Performance: The Night Before & The Ride Over

This is your time to shine, quietly. No pep talks that sound like military briefings. Just vibes, snacks, and calm energy.

Try This:

• Be Chill: Set the tone. If you're pacing like you're about to perform heart surgery, your kid will absorb that energy like a sponge in a pressure cooker.

• Say the Magic Words: “I love watching you play.” That one line is more powerful than any 45-minute speech about hard work and character building.

• Back Off the Bribes: “I’ll get you ice cream if you score” = pressure. “Let’s get ice cream no matter what” = love and also ice cream.

• Be Positive: Even casual complaints about teammates, refs, or the weather can shift your athlete’s focus away from performance and toward excuses or frustration. Stay positive and model resilience.

• Remember Your Goal: Ask yourself, “Am I trying to help my child win, grow, or just not sob into their jersey?” Then make sure your actions line up with that goal.

Bonus Challenge for the Competitive Parent: If you’re that parent who used to slide tackle in your co-ed rec league, channel it differently: Can you be the most elite sideline parent out there, maybe even better than the other parents? Imagine the advantage your child would have if you were able to help your athlete more than other parents could help their athletes.

Game Time: The Sideline is Your Stage

You may not have cleats on but make no mistake, this is game time for you, too.

What Works:

• Face Like a Buddha: Athletes look at their parents constantly. After a goal, after a turnover, after doing that thing they weren’t supposed to do. What they need to see is calm, confidence, maybe a little jazz-hands energy.

• Cheer the Hustle, Not Just the Highlight: Screaming when they score is fine, but also cheer when they chase down a loose ball like a golden retriever on espresso. Effort > outcome.

• Don’t Coach from the Sidelines: That’s what the actual coach is for. Your playbook should have only one strategy: support. Make sure you're playing your position.

• Align Actions with Goals: Want your kid to win? Then don’t glare at them every time they make a mistake. Want them to enjoy the sport? Then don’t shout like you're on fire every five minutes.

“Pressure is for tires, not for kids.” -Someone's wise grandma, probably

Post-Performance: The Infamous Car Ride Home

Ah yes, the sacred ritual where kids either feel like LeBron James or like they never want to touch a ball again.

Let’s make it the former.

Winning Moves:

• Lead With Love: “I loved watching you play.” (Yes, again. You can’t say it too much.)

• Let Them Talk First: Or not at all. Sometimes the best move is a snack and silence.

• No Instant Game Tape Review: Unless they ask for feedback, hold off on dissecting plays like you're an NFL commentator.

• Highlight Growth: “You’re getting better every game.” “That pass you made was so smart.” Help them build confidence, not question everything.

  
  

And just like your athlete, take a moment to self-reflect. How did you perform today? Did you support, uplift, and show up the way your child needed? If not, no worries. Like all athletes, you get to improve every time.

Final Thoughts: This Is Your Sport, Too

Being a sports parent isn’t just about being present, it’s about being intentional. When you show up like an elite performer on the sidelines, your athlete feels safer, stronger, and more supported.

So stretch your empathy muscles, hydrate your patience, and put on your game face (a friendly one). Because when both athlete and parent are in sync?

That’s when magic happens.